Radio City Christmas Spectular Featuring the Rockettes!

So we got tickets and headed into the city yesterday!  When we got to the train station I forgot since it was a weekday we had to pay for parking, something I hadn't had to do before but oh well, only like $3!  Get on the train and get going!  Of course while on the train I start not feeling so great (surgery wise) plus this nasty cold I have but I dealt with it!  We got to Grand Central and headed outside!  The plan was to take a taxi everywhere since it was cold and I "can't" walk as much as normal!  Well Shane pulled out his GPS on his phone and said it was close so we'll just walk.  So we head up Lexington from 42nd to 39th!  Then we go up to 6th and go figure next thing we know we are going past 42nd again!  We could have just came right up 42nd and been the same place but NOOOOOOOOO  WE were following the GPS instead :(  I was NOT a happy camper!  We are like speed walking because we know it's getting later and later and I wanted to be at Radio City by this point!  So we finally get there and head over to a LONG line when a guys says if we already have tickets we have to go to "this" line!  Well we start walking the line, and walking and walking and walking some more!  We are at LEAST three blocks away from the door :(  I'm PISSED at this point because we only have 15 mins till show time and ya know they are going to start on time.  So finally the line starts to move a little and we hear a cop say that the 54th street door is not line so we book it!!  Literally we ran (Paxton and I) and Shane had a good kick to his step too!  So we get in the line and get through the door and find our seats!! WOW, great seats on the floor!  We had like 2 mins and the show started! A guy with cotton candy comes by and I think, what the hey, lets get her some!  So I flag him over and I ask how much and he says, $12! WTF???  NO!!!!  OMG The show was just too Awesome!  It was really the best thing I've done in NY thus far!  The Rockettes were awesome and the Santa (MC) was So real like!!!  There was some surprises and it was just all around great!  Afterwards Shane wanted to go eat at Grays Papaya.  We again start to walk because he is "sure" it's just up the road!! YEAH NO!  So we get a cab!  We tell the guy 2090 Broadway and he takes us to 29th and Broadway! UMMM NO!!!  SO again we tell him the address (like 10 times) and he plugs it into his GPS and off we go!  So we get there and OMFG it was a $25.00!!!!  Again, I'm pissed but whatever!  So Shane gets his hotdogs and Paxton trys one too and they both LOVE them and they had better!!!  The hotdogs and drink cost $5 so alas, it was a $30 damn hotdog!! LOL

So we grab another cab and head back to Grand Central where Shane and Pax get cupcakes and we hit the train home!! 

According to Shane it was all an adventure and I will agree that yes in a way it was and rinding around the city with all the lights and such was cool but I was SO SORE and COLD!!!  But the whole point of us going in was for the show which was AWESOME!!!!!

Day 15 - The Person You Miss the Most (30 days of Me)

The person I miss the most???  Right now I can honestly say I miss ME, the REAL ME!  I don't feel like myself and I haven't for sometime now :(  I feel like I am trapped inside my own mind and I can't get out!  I know, I totally sound crazy and sometimes I do think I am! LOL  I really think what a lot of it is because of this transition we (Shane and I) are going through not being in the military anymore, him not working anymore, moved away from EVERYONE we knew and we still haven't found "friends" here!  I have some GREAT co-workers but alas, they are also military spouses and will be gone soon too :(  I just really do miss the person I used to be!  I was fun, full of life, wit, charm, laughter!  I feel like none of that is there anymore :(  I just keeping trying to find me and it just isn't happening.

Day 14 - Someone You've Drifted From (30 days of Me)

Someone I have drifted from??? Hmmm??  There is A LOT of people!!  Being a part of the Military Family people come and go and some you will hold close and others you will not!  I keep thinking back to Fort Riley, the first three years of our Army life and OMG it was AWESOME!!  I got there knowing noone and nothing about the Army and I left there feeling like an experienced Army wife with power and knowledge and FAMILY!  Army spouses are more then just friends to one another, we do become a family and I really miss that family!  There was a group of us at Fort Riley, many belonging to an internet board together (many still do) but when we were all at the same place and having park play dates, coffees, ESC events, etc. it was really the best times!  I was happy and full of spark and now I have drifted from that family, that closeness with anyone in person (still have my ties with many of my Army family but it's so different when you are 1000 miles apart!).

Day 13 - Someone You Wish You Could Forgive (30 Days of me)

Right now the person I wish I could forgive is myself.  I am my own worst critic and I am harder on myself then anyone else!  I really feel that I have failed in providing correctly for my family and living the life I want!  I do know that it's not my fault that the contract isn't being renewd, that is dang Lynch's fault but I am the one who knew that the possiblity of the contract end was there and I chose to move my family here!  Shoot, I swear this is the second most expensive place to live (besides HI) and now we are "stuck" here until our lease is up.  Yes, if I get a job elsewhere I will move on my own to work and that itself is a SUCKY thing that again, is MY FAULT!

Day 12 - The Person You Hate Most/Caused You A Lot Of Pain (30 days of me)

A person who has cause me a lot of pain right now is LTG Lynch!  He is the General of IMCOM and he has decided to not renew the Customer Management Services Contract so I am now going to be out of a job!  So not only has he decided to put 30+ people out of jobs (some of which are the bread winners for their family) but he is getting rid of a program that has Beneifited  A LOT of Soldiers, Family Members, Civilians and Retirees throughout the US Army!  For the last couple of years a lot of the Army's focus has been on what can we do to keep our Families happy which in turn makes the Soldier's happy which keeps them IN the army and this program is a way for them to know what is wrong and suggestions for them to fix it.  Too bad because the decision of one person this avenue of getting those issues resolved is now gone :(

I gambled and I didn't win :(

So I know that I took a HUGE risk in moving to New York knowing that the possiblity of the contract not being renewed and I myself took that gamble, and now I've lost :(  My contract is ending in 24 days.  Of those 24 days I'll only be working 17 days!  This is Crazy insane and I can't believe it has really come down to this!  NOW WHAT?  Shane asked me last night what do I want to do now? There is NO want in this situation what so ever there is only what we are going to have to do and I don't even know what that is!  I have been applying my butt off to other jobs for at least 2 months now and NOTHING has happened!  DAMN CPOL/CPAC and their STUPID system and I can't get my resume picked up for NOTHING even though I pratically had other more experienced people write it for me and still nothing!  I hate the way this system works and just because Shane retired I can't even apply for half the jobs :(  I know what I can do, I know what I am qualified for but I'm not even given a chance :(
So now what?  I keep applying for jobs and even apply for jobs that are "below" me now just so that we can at least pay our bills!  If I just go on unemployment that will be like making 8.25 a hour! OMFG I haven't made that little of an amount since I was in HIGH SCHOOL!  This is NUTS!
I still just can't belive that I have put my family in this position, I'm sure a failure :(

Day 11 - A Deceased Person You Wish You Could Talk Too (30 days of me)

This was a hard one but since I believe that God  calls you when it is your time and you should be "left in peace" but if I had to really choose someone I would choose Alan or Tim.  Alan was a dear friend of ours a few years back who took his own life and Tim was a friend of mine from WAY back who also took his own life.  The reason why I choose them was for one question each, Why?

Day 10 - Someone You Don't Talk To As Much As You'd Like Too (30 days of me)

Someone that I don't talk to as much as I would like to??  Well I have a few of those but those who come to mind first are Kelly and Bri!  Kelly is a GREAT friend and I miss her a lot!  We clicked when I was a key caller for her when we both got to Hawaii!  I called her once and we chatted and I knew she was totally a nice person.  Later we ended up being at FRG things together and we just became friends!  Our friendship grew as the deployment happened and I don't know if I would have made it through the deployment without her!  That deployment was a whole different ball game because I was working full time this time unlike the one before when I was a SAHM!  Kelly helped me out a lot since she has "been there done that" as far as being a military wife and a mother!  Her kids (esp. her daughter) helped me out SO MUCH as well with babysitting Paxton so I could actually have some adult time and enjoy friends!  We used to sit and talk for HOURS either by phone or sitting on her back porch drinking iced tea and smokin cigs!!  It was Great!

Bri is another friend from Hawaii (who is now in CA) and OMG I seriously couldn't have made it through deployment and work without her!!!  I was trying to make something of myself with work so that ment throughing EVERYTHING into working LONG hours and Bri was there to help me with Paxton and of course she was Awesome!!  Bri was the BEST neighbor I had ever had (after her was Amiee and she was AWESOME too!!!).  I hadn't ever had neighbors like Bri before!  I didn't know that it was possible to have real friends as neighbors and I MISS IT!!!  We used to sit in the garage (which had a big comfy chair) and smoke and drink and talk, talk and talk!!!  She is an AMAZING person and a Great Mother who has been through a lot in her life and she deserves to just be HAPPY!  I MISS HER!!!

Day 9 - Someone You Wish You Could Meet (30 days of me)

The one person I have ALWAYS said I wanted to meet was Tyra Banks!  People laugh at me and ask me if I'm for real when I say it too!?!?!?! LOL  I think that Tyra is an Amazing woman!  Not only was she a FABLOUS Super Model (which I know I'll NEVER be) but she is a business woman and has two TV shows (which I believe her talk show has gone away now :( )  I totally LOVE ANTM (America's Next Top Model) and if she wasn't the person "in charge" I don't know if I would watch!  Another thing that Tyra does that not everyone knows about is she runs a camp for girls to feel better about themselves.  She has the girls taught about self confidence and self respect!  Tweens/teens NEED this!  Tyra just really is an all around great person (from what I know of her)!  She isn't someone who is plastered all over the internet/gossip mags and that is another reason that makes me beleive that she really is a good person!!

Day 8 - Your Favorite Opposite Sex Friend (30 Days of Me)

Of all time my favorite opposite sex Friend was Colin!  For the life of me I can't remember how I met Colin???  It's crazy to think back about him!  He really was my best friend for a long time!  We used to sit on the phone for HOURS (literally ALL NIGHT sometimes) just talking about crap!  I'm sure at the time we must have thought it was important but I'm sure it really wasn't! LOL  He knew EVERYTHING about me at the time, more then even a few girlfriends who I really trusted!  He was just that easy to talk to.  There were a few times when our "friendship" got a little "woozy" but nothing ever happened to make us not be friends!  It's been many years since I have had any contact with him but there are times here and there that something will bring up a memory of him and I do wonder what ever happened to him and I wish the best for him!

Day 7 - Your Parents (30 days of Me)

Well what can I say about my parents, they are my parents and I love them because of it!  There is  A LOT of history in this department that I would rather not dredge up at this time!  Right now in my life I have a good relationship with my parents and that is what really matters now!  They have been there for me over the past 6 years when I really needed them (bbsitting my daughter for my many surgeries and out of town conferences) and they have been supportive of my marriage and leaving with the Army!